
I loved reading through the responses to the questionnaire developed by bluemilk and thought I add my views too:
1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?
I define my feminism as neither soft nor aggressive. I take the pragmatic approach instead. I pick my battles and only get into discussions with people I care about or that do harm to others. If someone insist on being ignorant about the cause – so be it, as long as they don’t force their Lalaland onto me.
I cannot pinpoint a time in which I realized that I was a feminist. It came to me gradually. Little comments, illogical expectations or plain stereotyping would make me feel frustrated. Only in recent years did I become a proud feminist. I take not for granted the liberties that courages women fought so hard for to ensure a better future for following generations of women. I see it as my duty and pleasure to help maintain that momentum and continue supporting the cause for equality. How can I say I’m not a feminist when I’m expecting to be treated fairly? For once there is a label I’m happy to adhere. It only seems negative if you allow others make it appear this way.
I became a feminist well before motherhood.
2. What has surprised you most about motherhood?
The intense feeling of anxiety for my child and my increased vulnerability as a result of this emotion.
3. How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism?
Education has helped me to define my perception of feminism. When I grew up the term was tainted with being a man hater or ugly.
Motherhood had a huge impact on my feminism. I want to enable my daughter to develop an awareness of stereotypes to which all children are subjected to awfully early in life. Encouraging her to think critically and independently, being well aware that I will not always like the choices she is going to make.
4. What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? How does feminism impact on your parenting?
I’m a new mother and expect my approach to be one of trial and error, with the aim to find a way that makes feminism an interesting and enjoyable subject for my daughter.
My approach will be to make her aware of stereotypes in everyday life. I wish for her to be able to make informed choices, independent of what her peers might say or parts of society expects from a girl.
Being a feminist is part of my identity and will have an influence on my parenting. It’s impact will depend on my daughters response and understanding to feminist values.
5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother?
Yes I feel compromised due to being a staying at home mum, who’s work is unpaid, taken for granted and with many disadvantages when wanting to return to work. Despite all that, having a marriage that is based on trust and an equal partnership, made it an easy choice for me to wanting to form a family.
It’s too early to say but I don’t expect to be a perfect feminist mother that will always succeed. It would be boring and unrealistic – especially if my aim is to raise a child that speaks it’s mind.
6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why?
Not so far but I expect criticism, which is fine as long it’s expressed respectfully, not behind my back and with an openess for dialog.
7. Motherhood involves sacrifice. How do you reconcile that with being a feminist.
I took those sacrifices into account before becoming a mother.
8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner?
He is supportive and the impact it has on him in his own rather simplifying terms: ‘You’re not ironing my shirts’.
9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?
That my own ambitions will be on a backburner for some time. I will not loose sight of my plans though and continue to work towards them – only at a more sedate speed.
10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers?
No it hasn’t failed mothers in my opinion. Within every movement there will always be a broad range of opinions and if some individuals of this particular movement don’t value motherhood than that is their own failure not that of the movement as a whole. To be clear: valuing motherhood doesn’t mean you have to be one.
Feminism has empowered mothers and provided them with insights and ideas on how to bring up autonomous children without compromising all of their own needs.
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