Description:
Exposing internet dating personals since March '08.
Contents:
agirllikeme77
 Beware an onslaught of disclaimers upon first introduction. Try this: recreate the intro minus anything that comes after "but". So in this case we would get:
just me... wild, playful, mischevious, outspoken, an optimist, hilarious, clever, mature, sweet, sassy, ambitious, and stubborn.
This way you cut through the crap. Actually this girl is pretty hot lol - not much to rag on.
TX_Wanderlust
Written below is the most commonly accepted slang usage of the word "deuce" from Urban Dictionary.
I always heard it "float a deuce", or "booty mix" if it's soft serve.
emersonj
Emersonj is the kind of guy you can bring home to your family unless of course he blew them up or has PTSD. Seems like a nice enough fellow...
Super Use
Oh it's this again. Superuzr1: when you leave grandma's and meet a girl in real life (check the wallpaper), is this what you're going to say right off the bat as a means to break the ice.
Damn this guy has everything! Photographic memory, two dominant arms, musical ability, a permanent acid trip, and he's a computer hacker who doesn't feel like hacking anymore.
Supruzr is clearly a millionaire. He can debate executives, build the product, give himself medical advice, ponder the universe, and tinker with the very seat of the soul... in Latin!
SO... WHAT HAPPENED? This chap can't even be a stay at home mom because he doesn't like kids. Btw, relative pitch can be learned by anyone.
Dreamwalker30
What about when life offers AIDS and a bullet between your chins. Hm? What about then. This is like folks who value being "open minded". It means shit. What I'm trying to say is Dreamwalker30 go f**k yourself you jolly tub.
*cough* ha, poor guy didn't do anything wrong really
fangstang
Fangstang is a poser. He dresses and acts like someone he is not.
I've been in jail before and this is what a lot of arms and facial expressions look like there. Fangstang says he's not like that and he says it melodramatically like it was a long road before he finally understood. A poser is when someone is years deep into a scene and realizes that he sucks but doesn't want to change wardrobe or face.
abecka419
Classic. It's like when people are intellegent.
macbates1
nice
nice
Wanton WARRIOR. Only good ad out there sans mine. Ladies open your salami tunnel.
psychovolve
It's aboot time a Canadian brought down capitalism with a shitty business plan for a bookstore eh?
She's not into dogma so I guess it wouldn't be funny to show you highlights of the rest of her profile over stone tablets:
I think psychovolve is the threesome the Kalals' are looking for. (go back 5 posts)
Road trip
He got dumped, needs to leave town, has NO friends to go with him, has been up all night, is soliciting strangers to join him to go wherever; He just needs someone to talk to, ANYONE; JUST A BIT DELIRIOUS; OH YEAH AND NO CRAZIES.
My ass yours -
is she hooking for english pounds or is this just bonkers weird
Craigslist
You know what Craigslist is unless you live in a grain lift under the grains. Let's scope some jacked up hoot-n-nanny from their casual encounters board. I picked San Francisco because scientology was started there and I figure if that stuck that anything goes.
Dr. Scott Mays
Sounds dangerous.
Awgh I puked in my mouth looking at the left one. At the bottom right I like the guy pumping his fist like he just won at something because honestly it doesn't seem like there's any winning going on here.
It's true those pictures don't tell you where his barn is.
Oh whew he's the Kinko's kind of doctor not the MD kind.
mrskalal
Oh the hell there is... armchair perverts this is the expose your clammy feelers have been twitching over.
First off note that this is the third freaky bitch on Wanton Hearts who's married, bisexual, and still looking for dates. Just saying.
Innocent?
OK so this rod bending french maid has already talked her husband into sharing the merch. Let's see what he thinks:
Yes this is interesting but more important still:
Ok he wants a demotion but what I want to know is:
Wanton Summary:
The Kalals are probably American college students in the same major on exchange programs to different countries. He just wants some Asian strange and she doesn't understand why he's trying protect us from the Japanese. Whereas he's straight cheating on her, she's got this whole dating-service agreement like it's any different.
I should fly to Turkey, bone the hell out of Mrs. K, send Mr. K a letter with directions to C-Span, thank them both; done deal.
Switcharoo?
ying: crusty golf shirt
yang: tidy sales costume
Wanton Truth
People who say they can't be summed up in a dating profile are always the easiest to sum up. Always.
joy0607
Not true. I "just asked" and she didn't write back. I was persistent though:
A day later, nothing, so I upped my approach:
Clearly joy0607 is a dumb, busted whore. She's still not writing back. WTF. Maybe she's not into studs. This next one is what I call clutch talk:
Two days later and joy0607 hasn't wrote back. She's a liar. A day after that comes this message in my hotmail:
Here's what's in it:
Looks kind of bad but an hour later I get this:
See, this service likes my clutch talk and asked me to be the ref on their new porn site.
sunnysmile44089
Sometimes you'll search through these and think "not my bag" and other times it's like "ohh shoot i don't wanna to put drek in a halo; she could do better."
Remember covergirlcutie? Ha I wonder who'd win in a knife fight:
logicalrecess
Logicalrecess is a full blown chatch-mattress. Perfect candidate for reality TV, preferably with Kimbo Slice there to beat him down for bad poetry.
imrobp2
His morals are decent. They aren't awesome but they're not bad.
Stinking Duhrek
Solitarymann
Thunder deep? How 'bout thunder flat. Try casay "bonecrusher rabble" 36 in with a body check:
Nortnots
Ladies, if you're into cereal or any color on the color wheel, "Nortnots"
is your soul-merge. This is the dumbest one right now. Come back in
a while and maybe by then I figure out how to spin this fool:
Schooled
This spanish teacher from Cleveland enjoys treating you and/or black tank-top girl like a queen. Put your face in the pamper hole.
Tell him how much you like it, bitch.
Chilequile
He KNOWS chivalry is not dead. Maybe he has to pitch it so strong because he means shit like "you have to be a virgin" or "no wife of mine is gonna work."
Note: Chilequile isn't into "heavies".
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