Pick Me up again confuses and delights with its jarring mix of happy smiley jolly model and screaming horror headlines.

The CEREAL KILLER (lol) story is just begging to be made into a dark comedy film. It could be a sleeper hit! Just get Jim Carrey to mug his way through the script but also have a serious expression on his face every so often (so you know it’s not all for laughs). Throw in a support cast, like that one from Desperate Housewives and thingy from Lost. Play that now requisite tune by Danny Elfman that’s in all the glossy dramas and you’ve got a future £6 summer sale HMV special!

First off apologies for the lack of updates the last week or so. That pesky “real life” thing decided to get in my way of my very important task of cataloguing pictures and thinking up some funny blurb to pad it out a bit. Things have quietened down a little now so we can proceed as normal!

The Klingon hero hubby looks like the chocolate man from the Lynx ads if he’d let himself go a bit. Which would make sense seeing as he’s just a walking pile of vegetable fat, emulsifiers and whey.

(The relevance of the number will escape you unless you’ve already seen this)

Wow! According to WordPress’s OFFISHUL Blogs of the day, this is the 37th most growingest in popularity blog! WHOO HOOO!

Let’s take a look at what we’re up against!

Trailing far behind us at 96 is BLOGS FOR McCAIN. As expected, it’s mostly Obama slagging instead of anything of substance.
At the coveted 82 spot is TEEN CELEBRITY! The latest manufactured android children, free of such silly things like “personality” and “human characteristics” delivered to your monitor! When reading this, play a little game of what addiction your chosen pop meatpuppet will eventually spiral into! There’s an unironic cover of Never Gonna Give You Up as well. This is how far we’ve come.
Just behind us at 38 is GOONERSWORLD BLOG. Good! I live very close to the Arsenal grounds and every match day there is like a carnival of idiocy. Drunken man-children flood my street like braying sweat and noise machines. If my anger at these cretins had a physical form, it would outnumber all the collected gurning fools 10 to one and resemble a steel version of the Terracotta Army.

However we’re still trailing behind these blogs

A few places ahead of us is Anime Academy. A group of emotionally stunted fans write “academic” studies on modern anime. Completely missing the theory that modern anime is a wet dream fantasy for socially retarded young men.
And finally we have GITHUB. Put here for no other reason than the name amuses me.

When you see this, you will shit bricks. This is probably the creepiest cover that’s come about so far and I say that as someone who’s uploaded a few Real People covers. It’s quite nice of them to spare our eyes from the yucky picture in the top right corner but why did they need to answer the question nobody wanted to ask with that razor blade headline?

Another mag, another tale of deadly household objects. Is this the first sign of a possible uprising? It’s a well quoted statistic that most accidents occur in the home, perhaps there’s a far more sinister reason for this. Maybe that’s why you’re always reminded to unplug all appliences when you go to bed.

The obvious winner this time round is of course the man who sleeps with his wifes corpse. It’s ok, she’s got her best nightie on!

It’s Real People again! In this one, they forego their usual creepy photoshopping because the couple depicted are creepy enough without it. Although nothing can outcreep the “I forced HUBBY TO LOVE ME” headline. In some circles that’s called rape.

This was another one sent in by the lovely Seaneen!

It’s quite handy that Chat mag points out tiny Charlie Jo. I would’ve sworn she would be the cheeky cheery cover girl! Strangely there’s a refreshing lack of hyperbole in most of these headlines. And yet they’re still rather creepy. The boneless baby sounds like a rather creepy novel though. Perhaps a stream of consciousness account of a road trip in a desert fueled by drink drugs and cheap sex. I’m gonna get me a literary agent and some pills right now!

Another brilliant photoshop job has come through. This time by Lookalike Mark Chapman from CaB. This one is definitely my favourite, I get through so many swans as it is!

Take a break seem to have hired Real People’s photoshop tech for a week. The ongoing saga of the one twin with cancer reaches epic proportions as the illustrating photo shows. One twin with cancer is seen here icing cakes with her sister. Apparently that’s love. Next week – One twin with cancer ties her shoelaces. Which is also love.

Poor old John Prescott. Never taken seriously in his political life and now he’s come out as having an eating disorder, what’s the picture that always seems to be dug out? The one about him tucking into a pie! Real People strike gold again by advertising a free pizza for every reader as well.

The money shot here is the bottom headline. I didn’t read that story and I don’t want to either because I know it’ll ruin the magic.

One of the previous entries had this comment left behind which I thought was so interesting I’d chuck it on the front page! Unfortunately whoever left it didn’t leave behind a proper e-mail addy so I can’t credit them with it.

Great site. It just reminded me of something you might find interesting.

A while back, I worked at an ad agency that worked on a very popular magazine in this ilk. We asked the dudes over there why such shocking stories were on the covers all the time and they said, simply, the more horrific the story, the more magazines they would sell. Apparently, the bodycount made a difference too.

But they had no valid reason whatsoever for putting the vacuous cover girls on there (they tried to fob us off by saying the readers identified with someone who looked like them – yeah, right – most of the public aren’t heavily photoshopped for one thing).

So yeah, great site, looking forward to the next post and good luck for the future.

Here’s another one sent in by a reader, Niki Hunter (not the porn star). She bucks the trend of Deviant art by actually being enormously talented. Her doll pictures creep me out a little though.

The main headline has got me wondering when would be a good time to shop your rapist dad? Answers on a postcard…

Jenny Frost seems to be treading on Kerry Katona’s turf as another Atomic Kitten member with large breasts. I just found out that Atomic Kitten are apparently alive again, not that anyone seems to have noticed. Their comeback single charted at #77 back in January. Bless them.
Otherwise, this is just a giant clusterfudge of horror. The bulimic 7 year old, the 26 year old Grandmother. It’s like Richard Littlejohn (if ever a man was so appropriately named…) has begun to project his minds eye into reality. Even the immigrants are starting to go home now!

And it really must be said that anyone who follows fashion tips from Jordan and Carrie “horse faced” Bradshaw from Sex in the City deserves all they get quite frankly.