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Contents:
DJ Hero Parody
It's the new video game that's going to be a huge hit! You are either DJ Connor or DJ Tanner in a fight for '80's sitcom dominance. Can you endure the Joey Gladstone level of endless bad jokes? Can you endure the wet t-shirt contest that Jackie and Roseanne have entered? How many bad one-liners from the Olsen twins can you take?
DJ Connor
DJ has a tough road ahead of him. He must endure the visual trauma that is Roseanne and Jackie isn't much better to look at either. He must avoid alcoholic beatings from Dan. He has to cover up Becky's abortion and Darlene's meth habit. Fighting bullies and neighborhood kids isn't gonna be easy either.
DJ Tanner
DJ doesn't have it much easier. She must endure the bad jokes of Joey, the bad music of Jesse, and the bad taste of Danny. She must stop Danny from his rendevous with Kimmy Gibler. She has to rescue Stephanie from a perverted stranger. She has to find a way to shut little Michelle the hell up and find a proper burial place when she accidently runs over comet.
Do you have what it takes to be a DJ Hero?
Links for 2009-10-27 [Digg]
The Littles: An Adventure in Gacy's Crawlspace
coming soon
Cagney and Gacy
coming soon
The Shining at the Tipton
coming soon
Incest and Peppermints
coming soon
How to Eat Fried Snakes on a Plane
coming soon
Brokeback Mountain 2: Fur Traders
Coming soon.
The Wiggers of Waverly Place
The episode starts out with Max rolling a joint, wearing a doo-rag, and listening to some gangster rap music. Justin shows up, "What up, my little nigga?" "Not much, bro, just fixin' to blow me some weed. Wanna join me?", says Max. "Sure dawg, dat's fo real.", replies Justin. So they both get high and chill for awhile. "Dat some bad weed, nigga.", says Justin. Max replies, "Yeah, dawg, I'm cappin', dat's fo real."
Meanwhile, Alex is out and about in a club with some black guys. "Hey, bitch, you wanna get it on or what?, asks one guy. She replies, "Sure." So she goes out to this pimped out suburban and gets it on with the guy. "Damn, I have never taken 14 inches before. That hurt.", says Alex. She gets out of the suburban and goes to find another guy. Justin calls her. "Hey, Justin, what up my boy, I'm using some of my black magic over here. I'll be home after 4 or 5 more guys.", says Alex.
Justin and Max run out of weed and they have to go searching for more. All they can find is a drug dealer in the ghetto part of town with half an ounce of Mexican brown schwag. Max says, "I hate this cheap ass Mexican dirt weed, dawg." "Hold on, I'll fix it." says Justin. Then he says, "Mexicus dirtweedus transform greenbudus." The grass turns into high grade weed instantly.
to be continued
Behind the Bell: Why Are People Bashing Dustin Diamond?
I am absolutely sick and tired of ignorant brain-dead morons all over the internet attacking Dustin Diamond for his new book. "Behind the Bell" is an excellent book and very entertaining. People out there just can't handle the truth that most of the cast members were indeed douchebags. This is similar to Jose Canseco getting trashed when he exposed all the steroid users in baseball. Funny, that all turned out to be true.
To be fair, he didn't trash everyone on the show. He spoke very highly of Hayley Mills and Dennis Haskins. Usually, when a man has nothing to lose and everything to gain, he tells it all. Anyone who has worked in law enforcement can tell you that. Having said that, it's time to trash the people who are trashing Dustin because he doesn't deserve one bit of it.
First of all, you are the dead beat losers. You never had a hit TV show, you didn't have 15 minutes of fame. You never even had 30 seconds and never will. Your IQ is probably 90 or below. Dustin is intelligent and well-spoken. All you can say is, "He's a loser.", like some 12-year old in an argument. Most of the negative comments I have seen have a similar ditzy white female avatar as their picture. So from that, I gather that you were big "Saved by the Bell" fans and that you can't handle the fact that the actors and actresses on it were phonies.
Dustin did nothing wrong. Yeah, he exploited people he didn't like. However, no else in that situation would do it any differently.
Terminator: One Hundred Acre Woods
So a big ball appears and a naked model 101 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) appears in front of Pooh's home. Rabbit yells, "What on earth made such a noise?" "I haven't a clue.", says Pooh. The naked terminator walks in and asks Pooh for some clothes. "Now, wait a minute, you can't just come waltzing in here naked.", says Rabbit. "F**k you, asshole!", says the terminator. Rabbit looks in shock at the terminator. Pooh gives him some clothes and he busts out the door.
Meanwhile, in the projects by Eeyore's home, another beam of spherical light appears. "What is that? It's probably nothing.", says Eeyore with a negative tone in his voice. The T-1000 comes out and stabs Eeyore in the head with his finger that transformed into a knife. Eeyore drops to the ground dead.
Owl sees Eeyore or who he thinks is Eeyore. "Eeyore, how are you doing today, old friend?", says an enthusiastic Owl. "Have you seen this boy?, asks the fake Eeyore. "Why yes, you know that's Christopher Robin; he's playing with his friends Piglet and Tigger at his house." The T-1000 transforms back and stabs Owl to death. Feathers fly everywhere.
Christopher Robin is in house playing with Tigger and Piglet. The ominous music hits as the T-1000 enters his house. As he goes down the hallway, the Model 101 jumps out of the hallway and fires hundreds of rounds into the T-1000 knocking him down. He approaches a frightened Christopher Robin and says, "Come with me if you want to live." He picks up Christopher Robin and throws him out the window along with himself leaving Tigger and Piglet behind. Christopher Robin here's screaming from his bedroom window. He sees Tigger jump out and bounce the hell out of dodge. The Model 101 throws Christopher Robin on his bike and speeds off down the road. The T-1000 follows in pursuit. "We have to go back for Piglet.", says Christopher Robin. "Piglet is dead.", says the terminator.
They drive through Rabbit's garden. "My carrots, my tomatoes! They are ruined.", yells Rabbit. to be continued
The Beheading of King Friday
With Mr. Rogers gone, King Friday has gained even more power within the neighborhood of make-believe. However, the neighborhood of make-believe has seen better days. It's run down and is another hapless victim of a bad economy. King Friday has done nothing but raise taxes since Mr. Roger's death in 2003 and no one has a clue where the money is going. Everyone in the neighborhood is getting suspicious because King Friday and Queen Sara are out of town quite often.
"Meow, meow, why King Friday gone so much?", asks Henrietta Pussycat. "I don't know, but I'm going to find out.", says X the Owl. X goes over to the castle and the only one there is Prince Tuesday. "Hi, X.", says Tuesday with his fake kid voice. "Where are your parents, Tuesday?", asks X. "They're out of town on business again.", says Tuesday. "Hi X, I'm babysitting Tuesday.", says Lady Aberlin.
So X goes on a mission and waits until King Friday and Queen Sara come back to the castle. He then finds out that they are going on a business trip again next Monday. Well, X follows them with his video camera. He discovers that Friday and Sara are spending up all the tax money in Vegas on blackjack and expensive hotels. "Those motherf**kers! I knew it all along!", says X the Owl. So X takes his evidence and goes back to the neighborhood. He calls everyone except Tuesday to his tree. "I have here the evidence to show you what King Friday has been doing with our hard-earned money. They are spending it on booze, blackjack, lavish hotels, and expensive prostitutes.", says X the Owl. Lady Elaine is horrified by the pictures of King Friday with three prostitutes.
"This is disgusting. Something must be done about this!", Lady Elaine yells. "It is time for the revolution everybody. I will overthrow King Friday and become King X the Owl. I will restore balance to the neighborhood of make-believe! Let's kill King Friday!", yells X. Everyone starts chanting, "Kill Friday! Kill Friday!".
King Friday and Queen Sara arrive home. All of sudden they see flaming spears shooting into the castle. The castle is on fire. Friday, Sara, and Tuesday all escape the castle. Then, Purple Panda scoops them up and ties them to X's tree. "What are you doing, Purple Panda, this is no time for games.", says King Friday. The trolley goes by the flaming castle and tries to go back to Mister Rogers' house ending the neighborhood of make-believe segment. Suddenly, a fiery rocket blasts the trolley into bits. "Not today, trolley. I'm gonna finish this one.", says X.
They bring out the mini-guillotine that Handyman Negri made. "King Friday, you are charged with treason against the neighborhood of make-believe. How do you plead?", asks X the Owl. "Not guilty.", says King Friday. "Meow, meow, f**king liar.", says Henrietta. "Bullshit!", says Lady Elaine.
They put Friday's head underneath the guillotine. The crowd chants, "Kill Friday, kill Friday!" With one drop, Friday's head plops to the floor. "The revolution is here. I now declare myself King X the Owl the 69th!" They strip Sara and Tuesday of their royalty and banish them from the neighborhood.
X throws a huge barbacue at the newly built castle. The music in the background is DMX's "X Gonna Give It to You". "Hail the new king of the neighborhood and his anointed queen, Henrietta Pussycat!", says Lady Elaine. "Mr. Negri, kill that big nosed bitch, please.", orders King X. Negri twists off Elaine's head as the new hip trolley goes by at an incredible rate of speed.
Ten Quick Geico Money Stack Spoofs
A guy has a woman tied and gagged. He throws her in the trunk and close it. She finds a flashlight turns it on with her feet and the music hits "Somebody is Watching Me" as she sees a stack of money staring at her. She starts crying hysterically. "This is the money you could have saved with Geico."
A necrophiliac is doing his thing with a newly found corpse. He's getting it on when the music hits. "Somebody is Watching Me" starts playing and he sees the stack of money staring at him as he gets an embarrassed look on his face. "This is the money you could have saved with Geico."
Leatherface is cutting up another victim who is screaming. "Somebody is Watching Me" starts playing. Leatherface ignores the stack of money that is staring at him and continues on cutting up his victim. "Geico, even murderers can save money on car insurance." (Leatherface cuts the money eyes in half)
A heroin junkie starts shooting up. He starts shaking and going into convulsions. As he coughs and gags, he inches forward and grabs his phone. He dials 911 and the answer tone is "Somebody is Watching Me". He looks over before taking his last breath and sees the money stack staring at him. "You could have used this money to buy better smack if you had Geico."
Several klan members are burning a cross. They are all into it when all of sudden the music hits. "I gotta feeling somebody's watching me. They stare at the money stack and the cross falls over. "You could have bought nicer sheets if you had saved money with Geico." (The commercial ends with the money eyes being hung from a tree.
Two bank robbers enter a vault. The music hits, "Somebody is Watching Me". They freakout when they see hundreds of eyeballs staring at them. "You wouldn't have had to steal this money if you had Geico." The commercial ends with ink exploding on the money eye stack.
A guy is hanging himself. He puts the rope around his neck. As he starts choking, he turns around struggling, and sees the money stack. "I gotta feeling somebody's watching me." "You wouldn't have had to kill yourself if you used Geico."
A guy is sitting on a toilet taking a crap and reading a newspaper. He hears the music and sees the eyes staring at him. "Do you f**kin' mind? Jesus!" "This is the money you could have saved with Geico instead of shitting it away.
A hit man is inside an apartment when he finds his target. He ties him up. "Any last word?", he asks. "Please don't kill me!", the guy cries. The music hits and the money stack appears staring from the windowsill. "Whew!", says the guy who is tied up. The hit man closes the curtain on the money. There are two gunshots. "You wouldn't have to kill people for money if you had saved with Geico."
An inmate in his cell is fixing to get raped by his cellmate. He's holding onto the bars crying. He sees a sign across the hall, "Cell 20, The Money You Could Have Saved With Geico." He looks inside the cell and the music hits as he sees the money stack. "Noooooooooooo!" "This is the money you could have saved with Geico."
VH-1 Behind the Music: The Bedrock Rollers
Pebbles and Bamm Bamm shined in the 1970's. They were huge rock stars. The Flintstone kids were on top of the world with their band: The Bedrock Rollers. However, the good times didn't last forever. By the late 1970's, they started to lose popularity as disco became the "in" thing. They were relegated to headlining for Steely Dan and the Steve Miller Band.
Then, tragedy struck in 1981 when a plane crash killed Bedrock Roller members Penny and Wiggy. The band was done. It got even worse when the National Enquirer broke a story a few years later about Bamm Bamm's love affair with Judy Jetson. A heartbroken Pebbles went back home with her parents Fred and Wilma. She suffered from alcoholism as a result of the breakup. Fred put her in Rock Detox Center in Bedrock. "She was very bad off for awhile. We both were there for her to make sure she made it through.", says Wilma.
Bamm Bamm went on to do a solo career. He had a falling out with Moonrock and they parted ways over a contract dispute. So, Bamm Bamm toured with Sting and the Police for awhile. He even hung out with Eric Clapton. However, his solo albums were not selling and he was doing heavy amounts of coke and meth. "Bamm Bamm was a mess. He partied all the time. Judy and Bamm Bamm brought out the worst in each other. A 1991 arrest for domestic violence was the last straw for Judy Jetson. Bamm Bamm was alone again. He went into rehab and came out alright.
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