Rude gum chewers are my greatest pet-peeve of all time.
If I can see you chewing your gum, you’re being rude. WTF are you, a cow? Close that mouth and pretend you’re civilized!
If I can hear you chewing your gum, again, you should probably close your f**king mouth. I don’t wanna hear the sounds that come from your mouth as you manipulate your gum into bubbles that everybody within a five-mile radius can hear as you snap.
Why is this so hard for so many people? And why must my ears be tuned so that I hear every single one of these f**kers wherever I go? If I ever end up killing someone, don’t be surprised if the person I murder was chewing gum just before the time of death.
I need your help. I am in the midst of working through what will be my heaviest period of workload for the semester, and one of my assignments is to construct a survey that deals somehow with gender issues. Naturally, I went toward a focus I have already studied at some length: media and body image. I know this has been done millions of times before, but this isn’t a dissertation – I’m writing a reaction paper based on the survey results, so a topic like this will give me exactly what I need.
Since when has walking become so f**king difficult that people cannot pick up their feet when they walk? Seriously, I see this as a ridiculous trend of laziness that must come to a stop NOW. Unless you’re elderly, and/or can barely walk, you have no excuse. I needn’t hear that you are on approach when you’re two blocks away.
(This is a quick bus ride post brought to you by annoyance and the letter B.)
As I was flipping channels today, most of my choices were football, football, more football, yesterday’s college football games and “classic” football games. Duh, it’s Sunday, and I’m in America. I don’t expect much else from my 400-channel digital cable package at this time of year. What did take me by surprise, however, was when I came across the Kansas City vs. Dallas game.
Like the rest of the former AFL teams this week, Kansas City was decked-out in retro uniforms and an old AFL logo was painted on center field. Teams dress in old-style uniforms from time to time to engage in meaningless nostalgia, as if football fans have somehow forgotten what the old logos looked like. The interesting thing about Kansas City going retro, of course, is that they used to be the Dallas Texans. Therefore, their red helmets donned the outline of the state of Texas with a star highlighting the location of Dallas. And lo and behold, who were they playing? The Dallas Cowboys. Aw, how cute. It’s as if the Chiefs were saying to the Cowboys, “Hey, look, we used to be from Dallas, too!” Like that proves anything. So you started in Dallas. That’s fan-freakin’ tastic. You won’t be fooling the opposition because you have their home state on your helmets. You won’t turn around your crappy record this season with a change in attire, either. Oh, and by the way, there’s another team called the Texans now, so you might have had more luck trying to fool them.
By the way, I don’t really care for any of the teams mentioned above. I dislike them all equally.
Addendum: Other teams look just plain ridiculous in the old uniforms. Exhibit A: The Denver Broncos. They look more like the University of Wyoming, wearing pukish yellow and brown, than the Orange Crush we’ve known for decades now. Perhaps they changed the logo, colors, etc., for a reason.
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
3 cups warm water, divided
1 packet active dry yeast
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons canola oil
2 tablespoons baking soda
2 tablespoons coarse salt
Things you will need:
Two cookie or baking sheets (maybe three depending on the size)
Whisk
Small bowl
Large mixing bowl
Plastic wrap
Damp cloth
Large bowl
Instructions:
Lightly grease a large cookie or baking sheet or line with parchment paper to prevent sticking.
Stir the sugar into 1 cup of the warm water. Once it has been evenly distributed, add the yeast and allow it to dissolve, then whisk it and let it sit for 10 minutes. After this time, the yeast should begin to form a creamy foam on the surface of the water. If there is no foam, the yeast is dead and you should start over with a new packet.
Combine the flour, salt, and oil in a large mixing bowl. Add the yeast mixture and stir until well combined. Knead the dough for about 3 minutes, then form into a ball. The dough should easily come together in a ball. If it’s too wet, add a little more flour. Place the dough in a lightly oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and a damp cloth, and let sit for about 2 hours in a warm, draft-free spot so the dough can rise. The dough should double in size.
Divide the dough into 12 pieces and roll each piece into a ball (dust your hands with flour to prevent sticking). Place the balls on a cookie sheet or lightly floured surface. Let rest for 10 minutes or so.
When you’re ready to bake, preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Lightly grease your cookie or baking sheets or line with parchment paper to prevent sticking.
Roll each ball into a 16-inch length and form into a pretzel shape (or any other shape of your choosing). In a large bowl, dissolve the baking soda in the remaining 2 cups water.
Carefully dip the pretzels (already formed into shapes) into the water. Shake off the excess water, and place each pretzel on a cookie sheet. Sprinkle with coarse salt.
Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until golden brown. They’re best eaten right out of the oven, but you can freeze and reheat them at 375 degrees F for 5 minutes.
(Recipe from The Joy of Vegan Baking by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, 2007.)
