Description:
The Man. The Myth. The Mullet.
Contents:
Achieving Financial Solvency: Part Three
As I escorted some geriatric punters into the confines of my Ford Transit, I honestly felt like I was on the brink of accomplishment. First of all, these old timers would be getting hot and intimate with the fairer sex. Which would be the first time since god-knows-when and that in itself was [...]
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Achieving Financial Solvency: Part Two
I’m no stranger when it comes to a bit of hard work and after unearthing some of Hull’s finest working girls at the local cemetery, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was raking in the fruits of their efforts. After loading the van up with those cock crazed cadavers , I made [...]
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Achieving Financial Solvency: Part One
They don’t call Edinburgh “The Athens of the North” for nothing and when I chose to unwind at The New Gentle Touch massage parlour, I knew I’d get to experience a bit of Greek. Tanya, one of the lesser wart ridden employees, escorted me by means of hand joining from the waiting area to [...]
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Inebriated; Incovenienced
Leeds, as one dedicated reader put it, is home to more incest than the Garden of Eden. The HIFI Club was of no exception to this rule. Many of its inebriated patrons draped themselves suggestively across the tables, keenly displaying their time weathered rectums. As local alumni attempted to mark their mating territories, current students upheld [...]
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Christian Youth Arts And Crafts Workshop
Last weekend, I volunteered to help the Christian Youth with the running of a local arts and crafts workshop. And although we ran into an obstacle when we weren’t able to hire out a venue, I did manage to make the most of an abandoned quarry on the outskirts of town. Secluded, away from prying [...]
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Yuletide Roast Made Simple
When preparing for a traditional Yuletide roast , it’s crucial to plan ahead. Things you always need to take into consideration are how many people you plan to cater for; from personal experience, it’s always best to make more than the required amount, just in case unexpected guests turn up at the last minute. [...]
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My Teenage Diary: The First Time
Abridged from “My Teenage Diary” by Derek W. Smithers (aged 16)
November 16th 1994
My best friends at the moment are Karl and Lori. Whenever I was getting my face shoved into an unflushed toilet, getting punched in the ribs or if the bullies teased me and called me “orphan”, Karl was there to help me out. [...]
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United By Music Workshop
Over the weekend, I volunteered as a tutor for “United By Music”, a workshop set up for disadvantaged teenagers. I suppose the main reason was to help kids understand what it meant to be a real musician or DJ. You know, as opposed to obnoxious video games like DJ Hero which come with [...]
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Fourth Annual East Riding Cosplay Convention
Before spilling the details of this get-together, I should perhaps divulge a little history. Back in 2001, students at Humberside University were welcomed to join “Campus Cosplay” and although the name sounded camp, it was a great success. The first live convention, however, was a shambles. We eventually settled on Final Fantasy VII as the [...]
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Hijinks In Hertfordshire: Part Two
All good things must inevitably come to end.
The morning following my arrival at Vision Mental Health was spent getting to know the orderlies, the waiting staff and the patients respectively. Whilst something of a klutz with names, I did manage to remember Nicole and her voluptuous cleavage. The orderlies claimed she was a victim of [...]
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