He ever so slightly turned his head to the side with a slight tilt upward, creating the cliched effect of “looking down one’s nose” at someone. Once he established his superiority over his victim, he said, “I’m not going to lie to you, but……”. In doing this he implies that he is an honest person and it is his obligation to tell the person only the truth. I witnessed this event a number of years ago and it made me think. What was really going on? Why did he say that? What was he really saying? What was his motive for saying that?

    Even early on, like most, I learned about body language before I knew it was body language. And this person could not control his as much as he may have tried. It spoke, no screamed, more about him than he ever would have confessed about himself. His words were carefully chosen to aid his masquerade of what his true intentions were. His intentions were not to be honest, but rather to inflict sting of a verbal dagger. He could not have cared less about truth, but rather, how he could make the other person suffer.

    I don’t remember what the victim had asked. It may have been something about her appearance. There may have actually been a bit of truth in the response, but it was delivered in a way to cause the most damage to the other person’s soul. It was not a “Let me hold your hand, what I have to tell you is hard for me to do, but I love you and feel you should know” answer. It was a, “You asked and I’m going to tell you and I’m going to enjoy making you hurt” answer.

    Now I knew both the victim and the perpetrator. The so called honest person was not. On occasions he would talk friendly to people he wanted, with a lie here and there so as not to offend them, but after they left, he would critically rip them apart, and enjoyed it. His choice of lying and telling the truth was one of convenience for himself and his pleasure in hurting others.

    At times, as with children, we tell innocent lies to encourage them and develop self-esteem. Later on as they grow, we you slowly decrease false praise and teach them that sometimes they have to do better. It is part of growing up. One must learn that the real world doesn’t continue praise when you don’t deserve it. And even at times when you do, it may not come. We learn that truth can be necessary for our own self-evaluation and sometimes we need to get honest answers so we can see where we must improve in our lives. And that doesn’t come from those who revel in our deficiencies, but rather from those who truly care about us and who will honestly, with great pain on their part, give us constructive criticism. And as hard and painful as it may be on our part, we should listen.

    Why did the “honest person” do this to you? It could be one of many reasons. Was it because of his own low self-esteem? Did he, in some warped way, believe you to be a threat to people and must inflict damage on others first before someone does it to him? Was it the way he dealt with everyone to keep himself at a safe distance so as not to get hurt? Or was it because he just enjoys being mean?

    Ever since that day, I work at not being that kind of “honest” person. It is not easy in that you know sometimes you have to tell someone something and it may not go well. You know that it could hurt your relationship with that person. You know how you would feel if it happened to you. Sometimes the truth needs to be said to help the other person, and you don’t have any wrongful motive in doing it. And sometimes, a kind yet less than honest word is fine. There will be no harm done and all will be ok in the world. There are many factors to consider when sharing thoughts and opinions and we do it constantly everyday. Good people know when to tell the truth in a way that is meant to help and not hurt. Good people know when to tell an innocent lie and not for some self-serving purpose. And since we are human, we are not perfect, and should just do our best to strive everyday to become like those good people.

Roger Willard
Willard Hypnosis Center
www.willardhypnosis.com
Roger & Patricia Willard©2009

      I call this what you are reading, Observation of Life. That is a title. But what is it really? Because it is on the web, it is called a blog. If on printed paper it may be called a feature article. Some may even tag it as a commentary. Sometimes, an editorial. Maybe it is a little of all of the above. But for me, it is fairly simple. These words are my thoughts, reflections and self-discovered insights that have been given life in that I can share them with you on these pages. But the new readers to this deserve some background information on these thoughts I share with them.

      First, I am very fortunate that I have been able to do this for several years now, first in our newsletter and now here in this blog. And for those of you who don’t know, none of this would be possible without the work done behind the scene by my wife Patti. Patti proofreads almost everything I write, and without her help, there would be more mistakes, misspelled words, typos, grammatical errors, and less focused thoughts when they get completely off track. Without her help, this just would not be possible. Sometimes I do write a few things for online, such as on Facebook, some quick notes, emails and other minor things that don’t require such perfection and most people will still understand. But here her help is necessary. But the initial origin of the concepts, insights, experiences, stories and finally, the reflections I post here are mine.

      Obviously, since these are my thoughts and experiences, when I write, I will use “I” a lot. It is not to be self-centered, but rather to be self-revealing. I do have points I want to cover, ideas to share and usually an insight or two I hope people will find valuable. But behind all of this there is a hidden insight. Most of you will not see it. Honestly, I did not see if myself right away, but it was there. And the more I write, the more it reveals itself……. to me.

      In the process of writing these, I put myself through a process of coming up with: what is my main point, a theme, and what story/stories I can use to wrap around the theme to get to the point and so on. Sometimes I have a few ideas on what I am going to write. Sometimes I have to work a little harder to find them, but they do come. But behind all of them is one insight that keeps coming back just to me. And it has changed my life.

      Again, the “I” or “me” is about something that happened to me or something I have seen happen to others. On those things when I write about my observations of others, I usually try to make a point that causes the reader to take pause, reflect and do some self-examination. One of the things I wrote about in one of my experiences, causes me again to ask the reader to reflect. At times I may point out how something affected me. I have been critical of others and their actions in some of my writing. I suggest that there is room to grow and learn. And I sincerely hope the readers benefit from this. But behind all of this are my faults.

      When a writer writes with hopes of revealing some tremendous insights, there may be an assumption of “I know better than you” or that “I don’t screw up”. I hope I have never come across like that. In reality I write from experience of having made countless mistakes of all kinds in my life. I will still make mistakes, but I work everyday to minimize them as much as possible. And in doing these writings, I am quietly admitting my imperfections. And the big insight is that I did learn and continue to learn things from my experiences. And that is why I write these thoughts. Not to proclaim any superiority on my part, but rather to admit I have made mistakes and in most cases, to tell others not to do the same. Some of my mistakes have been more costly than others, but still, a price that had to be paid. So as your read these words, understand there was an experience that caused me to want to write about it. Sometimes I want to write due to my mistakes and sometimes it was from listening to other people who shared their mistakes so I won’t make the same one.

      This was a non-hypnosis related entry this week. In future writings I will try to touch on hypnosis and some thoughts on it. I will always give some kind of observation. They may just be simple things that I found interesting, amusing, and entertaining and hopefully I’ll throw out an insight or two. Just to forewarn you, sometimes I see things a little differently than others and my sense of humor is sometimes “off the wall”. Keep coming back and see what happens next. Of course we ask you to check out our website at http://www.willardhyposis.com. So until the next time I put “pen to paper” we hope you remain well and continue to take positive steps in this life we all have been given.

Roger J. Willard
Willard Hypnosis Center
www.willardhypnosis.com

You may notice I have posted a photo today. As I write this, I am not sure which one I will post, but one will be/is there. I mention this because, as I stated before, I used a program from WordPress to set up this blog directly on our website. It was not the easiest way, but it gives me more control over it. Since day one in doing this, I have not been able to post a photo here. The part of the program that uploads the photo and other media files would not work. For a little more than a week I was a bit frustrated with this. I checked the support info, their forum and other sources for why this function would just not work. I found a lot of things that were supposed to fix this problem but they didn’t. But persistence paid off this last weekend. I found a posted fix, tried it and amazing myself, it worked. I tested it and the test photo was up on the blog. I took it down right away so as not to confuse people seeing a photo without reason. So, even though I am pretty good with computers, programs, and even some website html, I feel good when I can do something new with the computer.

As the last couple of weeks have gone by, the weather has been very mixed. We had some nice, somewhat warm days, some very wet days and some very cold, wet days which brought some snow to the upper part of the state. It’s days like this when you don’t quite know how to dress or what to prepare for. So when we do have some nice days, I took advantage of them. I patched a hole in the side of the little Chevy we have to get it ready for inspection. It needs a little sanding and some more paint and maybe I will touch up some other spots that need a little work.

On Saturday I went to a store that specializes in gardening and bought some tulip bulbs and with another good day, I will get them in the ground. I also got a medium-sized pot and potting soil to bring home. I wanted to try something different this year. The front of our house faces north and has several maple trees that shade the front yard. There is a patch of ground between the porch and a small wrap-around sidewall about a foot wide for flowers. Since it is shaded, I was not having much luck with flowering plants there. Originally it was ivy covered and getting out of hand. Years back I ripped out the ivy and tried to have flowers grow there without much luck. I then heard that Impatiens were good in shade. So this past spring I planted Impatiens and hoped for the best. And they did great. They filled in nicely and it was the best year ever for blossoming flowers in the front of our house.

Now with winter coming and Impatiens being an annual, they will soon die off and the colors will be replaced with the dreary colors of that time of year and eventually covered by a blanket of white snow. Snow’s nice, but it’s not a bouquet of flowers. So to do something about the absence of flowers and their colors, I took a little time to dig up some of the Impatiens and plant one in the pot I just bought and put another in a pot I found on our back porch. I packed them in the potting soil, watered them and gave them a home by one of our kitchen windows.

As I have written before in our newsletter, I enjoy the time I put into the flowers around the house and the few I have in the house. Outside I am trying to put in more and more perennials since they do keep coming back year after year. But I also enjoy the summer and fall times the flowering annuals bring. I have even started saving some seeds from this year’s flowers to plant the next spring. Obviously, this does take a little forethought and planning. And over the winter, I will have a passing thought of what I might try to do the next spring with the areas I want to expand in our flowering garden. I may even get a catalog in the mail from a bulb and seed company which will encourage me to try something different.

But it is the forethought that is important. A garden just doesn’t happen. And having flowers blooming in the house over the winter just doesn’t happen either. And from just a little “thinking ahead” and a little attention throughout the winter, we will have blossoming colors to remind us that spring will not be too far away. And there is something nice about something that is just a simple hobby and not a full blown obsession to cheer you up. It’s nice have these little positive distractions to make the coldness of winter a little more warmer inside of us. It’s nice that I share this with you and others. I hope you enjoyed it.

Now this had nothing to do with hypnosis or anything related to hypnosis. It was just something to think about how I like to make my/our lives a little more enjoyable. It kind of helps to change my mindset when it needs it. You know, maybe it is hypnosis.

Roger J. Willard
Willard Hypnosis Center
www.willardhypnosis.com

About two weeks ago I was in a local convenience store to refill my soda cup and as I approached the register, the sale for the person in front of me was for one hundred and nine dollars and some odd cents. For a moment I was surprised at such a high sale. A thought passed of what in the world cost that much at the store? Gas? No, most who spend that much for gas usually use a credit card at the pump. Then it hit me and it was confirmed that she, the customer, was buying two cartons of cigarettes. She did use a credit card and did not seem to be bothered to pay so much for them. Again, I thought, wow, that’s just over $5.00 per pack. And if she smokes a pack a day, she will be back again, buying more in just twenty days.

As I paid for my drink, I wondered if she even thought about what she just did. Did she think of how much she just spent with her credit card? Would she have felt differently if she paid cash? Personally, I believe when you pay cash for something, you are more aware of the cost and have a tendency to shop a little wiser. But maybe that’s just me.

I did watch to see if she would notice my van. It has Willard Hypnosis Center in white lettering on the large side windows. It also lists our services that hypnosis can used for, one being “stop smoking”. Even on one of the back doors I have a magnetic sign highlighting, “Stop Smoking”. If she saw any of those, she didn’t show it. No pause, no curiosity, or taking of a business card that is in a holder on the side windows. Now maybe she deliberately ignored it. Maybe she did see it, but just didn’t want someone else to tell her what she should do. Maybe…… well, maybe she wants to quit, but is afraid because it is such a part of her life.

Honestly, I really don’t care if other people want to smoke. It’s their money, their lives, and their health. But if they want help, I and other hypnotists like myself, can help them. Now my indifference for those who want to smoke may seem strange, but I still believe in freedom of choice.

But I do enjoy working with people who sincerely want to stop smoking. Not only does it help them to better health, but both the clients and myself benefit in another way. They pay for my services, for which I am grateful, and for the rest of their lives, they save thousands of dollars from not buying cigarettes. This is a real win-win situation. What a great job.

Without sounding too much like a commercial, hypnosis can help people achieve amazing results. And a little secret on my part, as I guide people though the hypnotic process, while going through the process, I, too, benefit from the hypnosis along with the clients, most noticeably when I teach clients relaxation techniques. We both enter a very relaxed state of mind and body. But don’t think that there is not work on my part or any other consulting hypnotist. It’s just that we get to enjoy our work more than most.

Not only do I enjoy helping people with hypnosis, I enjoy continuing self-study that I impose on myself on a regular basis. I listen to recorded seminars and workshops from our convention of hypnotists. I read and re-read books not only on hypnosis, but many of its related techniques. And with this new information, it helps me to tweek specific wording I use with clients. It helps me to find and develop new ways to help them for their individual needs. Improving myself helps me to better help my clients. And this is as it should be because I know hypnosis works.

Epilogue: As far as blogs go, this may seem a little different from what most blog readers expect. More often than not, I reflect over things, tell stories and eventually wrap them around a particular idea, rather than list my day-to-day thoughts and activities. At times I may do more of that in between these “observations of life”. So give this a little time to digest and by the time that happens, I should have more to share. Thank you.

Roger J. Willard, Consulting Hypnotist
www.willardhypnosis.com

To get things started and to give you an idea who I am and the way I look at life, here is an article from the March issue of our newsletter. 

* * * * * *

     Well, it has been a couple of months since I put pen to paper here. December was personally busy with family activities and the holidays. And as much as I enjoy the writing that I do, I have to, at times, put it aside for other things.

      January came and went with a minor illness that left me less motivated and inspired to write. It lingered longer than I expected and I just didn’t get any writing done. Then my desktop computer crashed. Not that I didn’t have other computers to write on, but again, I could not motivate myself to write until I fixed it.

     Fixing the computer took a little time. I finally figured out that my hard drive died. I ordered another and then took a night installing Windows. There were some minor problems in doing this, but I worked them out and got the computer up and running. This was followed by installing all of the programs I used on the computer. This was then followed by downloading updates for all of the programs and operating system. This took some time also. But eventually it was done and it’s as good as new.

     It’s always nice when things work right. I seem to appreciate them more when this happens. I, we, forget how much we depend on other things and people to help us day to day. If your car didn’t start or the public transportation didn’t run, how would you get to work? Most of us would probably agree that our mobility is important to us and want it available when we want it. But there are seemingly little things that are bigger than you imagine. What if there was not trash collection? What if where you work, there was no one to take out the trash or no one picked it up at the curbside? What if the person who brought the toilet paper to the stores no longer did? What if you ran out of soap? We worry about gas shortage but rarely think of these things.

     But there is an underlying principle here and that is the way our initial perception is of someone’s or something’s importance. More specifically, the importance of what people do. Most would agree we need firemen and women, the police, teachers, doctors, nurses, and the military, as well as say they are very important. But we also need those who serve in less dramatic or sensational roles in our daily lives. Those who pick up the trash, clean the restrooms, serve us our lunches, the cashier at the convenience store, the person who delivers the newspaper to your home or local news stand, and the boy or girl whom you pay to mow your grass all have jobs that seem less important, but have an underlying importance. Because if they were not done, what would happen?

     Can you imagine going out to dinner and there was not a restroom, let alone a clean one? Or if you could not stop and buy a newspaper in the morning and have that cup of coffee on your way to work, but only because you had to walk to work since there was no one to service your disabled car? At these times you might begin to see the importance of these jobs and those people who did them.

      Compensation for our labors has been an age-old issue for many. Some people think that they should be paid more for what they know. Others think they should get more for being on the job for a number of years. Still others think that no matter what they do, not mattering how well or poor their performance, they should get what the person next to them gets. Some people complain they are not paid enough, yet will not think twice about leaving a small tip for their waiter or waitress who deserve much more for their labors. They bellyache of their perceived inequities done to them, yet never see how as a payer of services, they violate their own preachings.

      And as much as many will deny it, we are all employees and at the same time employers. In the past I have written how everyone works for someone else, even the self-employed. But you do hire and fire people everyday. For every service or product you buy, you are hiring and firing the people in those businesses. From buying a car to paying a kid a few dollars to wash your car, people are hired and fired, from transaction to transaction. So when people complain about employers in general, they must share some of that blame for themselves. But now I’ll take a slightly different direction.

      I saw a cartoon in the newspaper a long time ago which illustrates this premise very well. In the first panel we see two secretaries asking how is it that trashmen are paid so much more than them. The next panel has the secretaries saying to each other how educated they were and important their work is. The third panel has an observer hearing this and then asks them why don’t they then become trashmen (trashwomen). Then in the last panel one secretary says, “You couldn’t pay me enough”. It comes full circle and they unknowingly answer their own question.

      One of the best examples for understanding what you are paid for your labor is this simple formula. I got this from one of the recordings by Earl Nightingale. It is: What you do, how well you do it and how easily you can be replaced will determine what others will pay you. If you only can do one thing and no one needs that one thing, no one will hire you. If you do something that many need and there are not many who do it, you have more demand (supply and demand). If you do something better than everyone else and people want the best of what you do, you have more value. If you do something that is common and you can be easily replaced, you can have lower employment value to people.

     The fact of life is that what you do is a commodity. And for the most part, you are the designer of that commodity. At least at some point in your life, you had choices to remain as you were or better yourself and become a more valued commodity. What did you invest in yourself personally and professionally to make yourself a more valued person to those around you, to those you want to be around and to those you want to reward you for what you do vocationally?